Trouble Writing
I am trying to finalize my personal statement. My personal statement, an essay I will send to graduate admissions boards in Boston, Seattle and San Francisco, that demonstrates my experience, passion and objectives. I have rewritten this essay six times now, and I´m feeling a seventh coming on soon.
I am struggling with my tone. I can´t find it anywhere. I have a tone when I write here, but trying to write to someone else, someone who is judging, someone who I fear may stop reading after the first two sentences, has scared my tone away.
….
Ok, I have it now. I´ve been writing my seventh rendition while writing this. Trying to keep the tone. But I´m doubting myself again. Maybe this tone isn´t appropriate for a personal statement. Do I sound too juvenile? Too simple? It´s possible. I wish I knew who these people were. I wish I knew their sense of humor, their favorite book, how they got their first real job. I´m trying to put myself on paper, but I am more than just 1,000 words. And so what if I am a bit trite, a bit idealistic, a bit over zealous in my ambitions? Don´t let my writing suffer for it. Don´t stifle my dreams just because you´ve already learned better or given up.
I´m not angry, just concerned.
….
Round eight. I lost it again. Think creative writing. Think creative science writing. But now I lost my flow. I am jumping from a soft, fluid description of where my passion come from, how I discovered who I want to be, to sharp, jagged statements: this is what I want, this is why I need your help, please, Mrs. Admissions Officer, please.
….
The spell check on this pirated Word program doesn´t work.
….
I am trying to explain what I´m doing here. What I am doing in Bolivia. What I am doing on this whole trip. How do I tell them it´s all for them? How do I move from past, to present to future in one thought?
It´s not really all for them. It´s for me, but I am readying myself for them. What if they don´t care? Maybe I should have stayed home and studied. Maybe I should have stayed home and retaken the GREs. Maybe…
….
Ninth time is a charm.
Graduate school works for you, you don’t work for them. Unless you’re on a scholarship, then you have to work to go for free, but if you slack off, then you have to pay.
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You will do fine Julie you have to remember who you are, and to breathe and to belive that what you write is good enough, because it’s probably better than good enough! ❤
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Are you a fat or a lean writer? Sounds like you’e a fat one, like me. Get everything down, no self-judgement. Keep writing and writing and writing. Sleep. Come back, write. Write write write. THEN-edit edit edit. It’s the re reading, reading aloud, staring at it, going away, coming back, rearranging all the paragraphs and cutting tons of stuff away that will leave the best for last. Have faith-you are a very intelligent woman. If you wanna proof reader, lemme know. xo KIKI
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Thank you all, for all the support!! I am surprisingly pretty happy with my essay now. (especially thanks to my parents, who are excellent writers and proof readers). 🙂
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You’ve just got to let it flow from you. Too much time worrying about what you write is wasted time. You can always go back and edit it later (thank God for MS Word).
Good luck
Danny
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You are “putting yourself out there” — never ending learning — on whatever continent you are on and whatever country you are in. Secret of life. =)
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Yes, you are very right! I shouldn’t forget how lucky I am to be learning so much from the world with my own eyes and hands. Hope you are well, Kate. 🙂
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